Screamfree Parenting, Hal Edward Runkel - Book Summary

Scream-free Parenting will help parents create a connection with their children. From creating a free but limited space for young children to trusting and loving themselves, the book will make the parenting process much smoother and easier.

This book is a great gift for

  • All prospective and current parents;
  • People interested in building close, peaceful relationships between parents and children.

The person who brings this useful information is

Hal Edward Runkel, a well-known expert and speaker in the field of marriage and family relationships. Teach Your Child Not to Yell is Runkel's first book on the topic of building healthy relationships to achieve the title of a bestseller.

Chapter 1. The book will help you become a gentle parent.

Only when you have children do you understand the feeling that children come into this world to test the endurance of adults. While yelling during parenting will give you a temporary boost to your mood, it will negatively affect both you and your kids. So what should we do?

First of all, you must be aware of an extremely important fact that education is not only directed towards children, it is also directed towards the parents themselves. By taking care of themselves, they not only feel happier, but also improve their relationship with their children. That is just one of the experiences mentioned by the author in the book. In addition, readers will also learn about:

  • The importance of creating a separate space for children;
  • Valuable lessons in child rearing that an oxygen mask can give you;
  • How to reach the limit of love.

Chapter 2. Let's start changing the way we raise children by becoming more proactive.

Are you the type of parent who gets angry easily with their child? Although it can be difficult to stay calm with children, fortunately there are some helpful methods.

Start by being proactive instead of overreacting when things happen. In order for your children not to become a screaming parent, teach them the right way before they can do the wrong thing, that will make the atmosphere in the family less stressful.

To do that, the most important thing is that you need to set limits that are just enough for both you and your child. If they know that you are only caring, protecting, not imposing, they will be self-aware and won't do things that upset you. This will help parents stay calm and peaceful while still being close to their children.

But before doing that, you must always remember that parenting requires the initiative of parents. Instead of trying to impose and control every action of the child, start making new changes in the direction of being more gentle and patient.

Chapter 3. Young children need space to grow, try, fail, and learn.

Certainly a plant will not be able to grow in an airtight container, without water or sunlight. It is the same with young children, they need space both physically and mentally to develop.

The best thing you can do for your children is to give them a space to explore, try, make mistakes, and learn from them. “No” is one of the first words a child can say. When children say "no," respect that word because that's how they create their own personal space.

Creating a separate space for your child means allowing yourself to let go of the "iron discipline". Because, imposing your own views on children will be counterproductive. Many children who are forced to believe and worship God take actions against their parents' religious beliefs when they grow up. On the contrary, children will be very grateful if they feel their parents' trust in them, from which the family relationship becomes even closer and closer.

Children are much smarter than adults think, they often test to see if their parents can be trusted or not. For example, if your child doesn't stop whining, she's probably trying to see if you care about them, perhaps by giving them a fun toy.

The best thing you can do then is to show sympathy instead of encouraging them. For example, you might respond to the provocation: “Mom also hates boredom. So do you have any plans to do?" While it may not be the answer children expect, it will motivate them to find solutions on their own.

Chapter 4. Using limits and consequences to help children see what is safe.

Today's world encourages people to express their individuality and respect the unique characteristics of those around them. It can be said that it is the balance between individual freedom and respect for those around you that is how society works, and it is similar to the relationship between parents and children.

Children's own development space also needs certain limits and rules. Both parents and children should understand their limits. Children need to understand that while they are free to explore and express themselves, parents have certain rules. At the same time, parents must also recognize when to be strict, and when to let their children play freely.

If the kids accidentally damage someone else's stuff, before scolding, stop to see if they understand that it's not theirs. By helping your kids realize the limits they shouldn't touch, you'll make them automatically return to their toy box without messing with your parents' laptop or documents.

In addition, if you know how to show your children the consequences of some bad actions, the relationship between parents and children will be much more friendly. Show empathy and explain things instead of yelling when it's too late. For example, don't ignore your teen drinking, sit down and find out why they want to drink, then gently explain the harmful effects of alcohol to them. human health. Don't wait until you get a call from the police or the hospital about your child's intoxication!

Finally, remember that cliché threats will ruin your image in the eyes of your child. Their trying to trust you will ruin the relationship in the family.

Chapter 5. Use self-love to fulfill your duties as a parent.

Who is the most important person to you? Life partner? Children? Is not! That must be you. You can't take good care of your family if you don't take good care of yourself. Similarly, you will not save anyone in an accident if you do not wear your oxygen mask carefully.

To better understand this point of view, let's examine the work of the French monk Bernard de Clairvaux. He divided love into four degrees. The first level is to love yourself for your own sake. The next level is to love those around you for your sake. The third level is loving others for their own sake. However, the above three levels lead to extreme selfishness, the peaceful world needs people who think for the happiness of others, which leads to the fourth level: Loving yourself for the sake of others. This is exactly the level that parents need to aim for. Only when you know how to take care, love and appreciate yourself, can you give your family the most lasting love. For example, are you in the mood and health to sit down and talk to your children when they make mistakes if you are physically weak?

In addition, parents also need to believe in themselves. Sometimes the advice from people around makes you troubled to consider whether the way you raise your child is too rigid or soft. However, remember, educating children is a constant learning process, and it goes in different directions for different families.


Start the process of raising a scold-free child by being more proactive about creating the boundaries, space, and solid support that young children need to thrive. Be the best parents by loving yourself and believing in your ability to raise children.

Lessons learned from the book

If you want to educate your children by pointing out the consequences of their actions, follow these tips:

It's important to point out the consequences, but the consequences have to be really noticeable. Also, don't use consequences to impose and control your child, instead use the limits you set in the beginning to remind them.